Ultimate Ending!
by Pirate Bo
Summary: The real ending of Harry Potter. Total Crack fic. Somewhat spoilers for DH. Expect randomness, werewolfsturnedbulls, dancing hats, crazy stabbing ghosts, etc.


Bo: 'ello!!! Hee hee. We're here once more! This is basically a crack fic.. of what we think should have really happened at the end of Deathly Hallows. This is our version. Beware...

Ski: Please note reading this may cause random random thoughts, and random bursts of laughter, and also questioning of sanity.

Bo: I would like to thank my Favorite English teacher Isabelle the Amazing. XP Thanks for helping me edit this chapter! If it wasn't for you, this wouldn't make much sense!

Ski: Haha. Disclamor: We don't own, Harry Potter or Bugs Bunny or anyone in those fields... XD But we do own this random idea... somewhat I think?

Bo: Oh well... This was written 2007.11.19

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_Have you ever wondered what really happened in the final battle between good and evil, where the hero comes in the nick of time and saves the day? Do you wonder if everything happened as planned? Well… I am here to give you the truth, about really happened at the final battle. How those killed really died. How those who survived really survived. What really happened in each battle? _

_And how watching Bugs Bunny may actually save your life…_

_This is how my story begins… _

_Starting with the battle between Neville and Ron VS Werewolf Greyback…_

Jumping backwards Ron shouted a _Homorphus Charm_1, changing Greyback into……… a bull.

"You changed him into a bull, Ron!!" Neville shouted as he dodged the charging werewolf-changed-bull.

"It appears so. This is what I get for not getting my wand fixed." Ron muttered the last part, as he also dodged the bull.

"What are we going to do now!? We can't leave a charging bull charging." Neville shouted/asked Ron.

Pausing for a second, Ron thought… and suddenly a light-bulb turned on right above his head. "Jinkies! I have a plan, Neville! But you have to trust me, and just follow my lead!" Ron shouted, as he ran backwards towards the Slytherin Table. He took off his cloak with him, transformed it into a red cape, and waved it a little.

Figuring out the idea, Neville looked at Ron like he was crazy, which by now he probably was. "You're mad! You're insane! You're crazy! But on the other hand… it's the only idea we've got. If we make it through this I'll give you my entire collection of _Wizard Cards_2 I got from my _Chocolate Frogs_2!" Neville yelled at Ron, as he chased after him, tapping his wand against his clothes, changing them into a perfect Matador outfit.

Waiting for Neville to catch up, Ron handed him the cape, which he draped over his right shoulder, and in turn, Ron disappeared, leaving Neville to fend for himself. "I'm going to kill you Ronald Weasely!" Neville shouted as he realized he was now alone with the bull, with no Ron insight.

Deciding to take his chances, Neville held up the cape, as Greyback charged at him. Greyback ran into the cape only to slam head first into something hard. Removing the cape, Neville revealed to his and Greyback's surprise (_well not so much Greyback seeing how disorientated he now__was_), a giant iron anvil that was once part of the Slytherin Table, and a smiling Ron on top of it.

Neville, however, wasn't through with Greyback. Marching up to Greyback, he held the cape up, prompting him to charge, but all Greyback did in his disoriented state was to stare at the cape. Lowering the cape, Neville found out that Greyback lowered his head also, with his eyes still fixated on the cape. Looking back at Ron for an idea, Ron took off his shoe and changed it into a music box that played the Mexican Hat Dance while he danced around it as a substitute for not having a Mexican hat.

Nodding his head in understanding, Neville skipped backwards while waving the cape causing Greyback to follow, both stepping in sync to the song 'Mexican Hat Dance' which Ron restarted as Neville began.

Then hanging over the anvil, he held the cape down and Greyback rammed his head on it once again. Ron and Neville laughed at this and started calling Greyback names, "What'a gulla-bull, what'a nin-cow-poop!" Ron laughed.

The now-even-more-enraged Greyback, became un-disoriented, and stood up on all fours, moving away from the anvil.

Jumping off the anvil, Neville held his cape in his left hand, while holding a Ron's-sock-turned-rifle in the other. "Whenever you can spare the time." Neville drew out, as he waited for Greyback.

Charging, Greyback ran at Neville, and somehow took the rifle with him, swallowing it. Neville looked in shock at his empty hands and slowly, with dread on his face, he turned to face Greyback, who was charging at him full force.

Seeing once more that his life was in danger, he climbed up the anvil that was currently the resting spot for Ron who was watching the scene. Taking out his wand, he tapped Ron's clothes and changed them into a Matador outfit. Quickly handing him the cape he pushed Ron off the gigantic anvil, and shouted, "Good luck Ron!" as he watched Ron fall to the floor.

"Hey! That wasn't part of the plan!!" Ron yelled up at Neville, who grinned down at him.

"I know! I just followed your lead!" Neville shouted down at him. "But we might want to argue about this later, LOOK OUT!" Neville shouted down at him.

Meanwhile, Greyback was tapping his tail on the ground, only to have a bullet shoot out of his horn. He tried it again, another bullet. Now, Greyback was smirking, well… if a werewolf-changed-bull could smirk, Greyback would have been doing so. And it was with that smirk that Ron knew he was dead. He did what any sensible man would do, when chased by a werewolf-changed-bull with a gun inside him shooting bullets at him; he ran for his life, all the while dodging bullets.

It was halfway through this chase that Greyback ran out of bullets, much to his horror and Ron's relief and Neville's disappointment, as he watched them down below while eating some popcorn.

Getting over his horror, Greyback went back to his original plan; charging Ron at full speed.

Looking up from where he stood panting, Ron saw Greyback charging at him once more, still, amazingly, at full speed. He continued what he had been doing since before………………. He ran, really, really, really fast, with Greyback still in hot pursuit.

After running around in circles for a while, Neville pointed his wand down at Ron and repeated, "_Wingardium Leviosa_3!" thus levitating Ron in the air, and setting him down on the top of the anvil where he was sitting.

"It's about bloodly time!" Ron hollered at him.

"I have a plan! Come 'ere." Neville whispered to him. He whispered his plan to Ron, making Ron grin more and more while nodding his head every now and then.

"Wicked!" Ron breathed in awe.

"Come, let's go!" Neville told him as he climbed down the anvil.

Looking around for Neville and Ron, Greyback found them standing in-between the back of the anvil and the wall.

Looking up to see Greyback, Ron shouted, "What an imbecile, what an ultra moron!" while holding out his cape.Find better insult

Neville, also looking up, started making funny faces at him, sticking out his tongue, you know the drill.

This resulted in what we now call a ballistic Greyback getting ready to charge his way towards them. Slowly backing up, Ron and Neville quickly wrote their first and last will in testament and prayed. They lifted up their own capes now, waiting for Greyback to charge, which he did.

They sidestepped the raging bull in the nick of time, thus leaving Greyback to run right into the wall, which shook, the wall making a painting fall down, only to be turned into a grand piano falling right on top of Greyback's head. Just for extra precaution, Neville mumbled something also and a giant safe fell out of nowhere right onto Greyback's head, knocking him forever unconscious. And just to be extra safe, Ron said, "_Incarcerous_4" thus tying Greyback all up with ropes.

Turning to Ron, Neville stared, mouth slightly agape. "I can't believe it worked…" he muttered and then fell back in a faint.

"It would have never have worked if we weren't crazy." Ron answered, '_I knew watching those cartoons with Harry and Dad would help me someday! In your faces Mom, Ginny, and Hermione!_' Ron thought happily as his inner-self did a happy dance, right before falling back in a faint.

_That is what really happened in this battle… _

_Come back next time to find out what happened in a different one…_

TBC...

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**Helping Terms… **

1. Homorphus Charm – Causes an Animagus (a) or transfigured object to assume its normal shape

(a)Animagus – a wizard or witch who can turn into a particular animal at will

2. Chocolate Frogs –frogs made out of chocolate, which have been enchanted to move about like real frogs. They are each packaged with one holographic lenticular collectible card displaying a magical picture and brief biography of a famous witch or wizard.

3. Wingardium Leviosa – Levitates objects

4. Incarcerous – ties someone or something up with ropes

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Bo: Haha! Our first crack chapter is finished! TADA!!

Ski: Hope you like it! Please R&R. We really would like your support and ideas and suggestions


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